Connection
Can attraction grow over time?
Attraction can change as you get to know someone, but it does not always grow. Another conversation may give you more information if you feel curious and comfortable. You never owe someone continued attention in the hope that a spark will appear.
A first impression is a starting point
An instant spark can be exciting. A quieter first meeting can also leave you wanting to learn more. The distinction worth noticing is between curiosity and obligation: are you looking forward to another interaction, or trying to persuade yourself to want one?
Someone’s humour may become clearer in a relaxed group. A shared activity might reveal patience or generosity. You might discover a compatible rhythm in conversation, or find that your values and intentions do not fit. Getting familiar provides context, not a guaranteed outcome.
What research can tell us
A 2015 study by Lucy Hunt, Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel examined 167 couples. Partners who had known each other longer before dating were less closely matched on observers’ ratings of physical attractiveness.
This finding concerns a pattern among existing couples. It does not prove that spending time with any particular person causes attraction, or tell you how many dates to have. It suggests that the circumstances in which people get acquainted can matter when understanding who becomes a couple.
Source: Hunt, Eastwick & Finkel: Leveling the Playing Field (2015)
Look for curiosity, ease and reciprocity
If you are unsure after a first conversation, you might choose a simple second interaction: another chat, a walk in a public place or a group activity you both want to attend. Keep it something you can freely accept or decline.
Afterwards, think about the experience itself rather than whether it meets a timeline. Did you enjoy being there? Did the other person make room for your thoughts? Were your boundaries respected?
- Curiosity: you want to learn something more about this particular person.
- Ease: you feel able to be yourself, including when you disagree.
- Reciprocity: both people ask, listen and contribute.
- Choice: continuing feels voluntary, and either person can say no.
There is no deadline for a spark
You can appreciate someone and still not want to date them. You can also feel curious without knowing where it will lead. Honest uncertainty is different from making promises you cannot keep.
A slower pace should create room to choose, not pressure to stay. If you are uncomfortable or simply do not want another interaction, that is enough reason to stop. If you are interested, communicate that at a pace that works for both of you.
Rosemarry’s planned Circles give compatible people six days of conversation and shared activities, with matching available at any time. Six days is our proposed product format, not a scientific threshold for attraction. The app is still in development.